


Festival of Fridge Horror

by Pheynix_Fire



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 11:39:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15048107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pheynix_Fire/pseuds/Pheynix_Fire
Summary: A review of the first season of the Castlevania cartoon.





	1. What a Horrible Night to Watch a Cartoon

**An Introduction**  
Welcome. This project is a critique of the first season of the Castlevania cartoon. At present, I have several chapters planned. In these chapters, I will critique the cartoon’s portrayal of Dracula, Lisa, Sypha, Alucard, and Trevor. I will compare and contrast the cartoon’s take on these characters with what we see of them in the games and with my own personal headcanons of them. I will also critique the cartoon’s depiction of the Wallachians themselves. Along the way, I will discuss the timeline the cartoon follows with a comparison of that timeline with events we see in the various games, as the cartoon contradicts pre-existing canon in several points.

Let me be very clear right from the start: this critique will be quite a negative one. I found the cartoon thoroughly disappointing, and I liked absolutely nothing about it. The cartoon took characters that I love and turned them into grotesque mutations of themselves that I cannot stand. The worldbuilding felt off; at no point did the cartoon feel like it was actually set in the Castlevania universe. And, the storytelling was blunt and unsubtle and focused far too much time on plot points invented for the cartoon that frankly weren't what I wanted to see. Worse than all of this though, is the cartoon's massive potential for fridge horror. If I am to be completely honest, I think the fridge horror is really what ruined the cartoon for me. I'll explain more as the project unfolds.

**An Apology**  
If you are a big fan of the cartoon, let me apologize to you upfront. I assure you, I am not doing this project to hurt you or insult your tastes. That's not what it's for. I think the cartoon does a real disservice to the Castlevania lore, and I aim to provide an analysis of my thinking here. Hopefully, others may find this insightful, but failing that, I hope no one finds it insulting.

**An Explanation**  
Imagine an earworm. Not just any earworm, mind you. Imagine the most annoying song you have ever heard in your life. Imagine that it gets stuck in your head, and worse, as long as that song is stuck there, you can't listen to any other music. The earworm somehow prevents you from hearing any other songs. Imagine that you have spent the last six months in this state.

That's sort of what the cartoon has done to me. I watched it back in November, and since then, I haven't written a single fanfic. I don't even have any ideas for new fanfics. I didn't like the cartoon. So what? There's no rule that says I have to reference it in my fanfics. I can just focus on those parts of the Castlevania lore that I do enjoy, right? Sadly, no. Every time I sit down to write such a story, I find that the cartoon is all I can think about. 

I've been in this predicament for the past six months, and it's making me crazy. As I see it, this project is my last option. I hope that by writing down all of my objections to the cartoon I'll finally be able to get the cartoon out of my head. If this doesn't work, I don't see much of a future in participating in the Castlevania fandom. 

**An Inquiry**  
I am unclear on the cartoon's canon status. It is authorized by Konami, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. _Star Trek_ novels are authorized by Paramount. They're still fanfiction. So, is the cartoon supposed to be canon, or is it simply an authorized fanwork? I've been asking this for months, but no one seems to know for sure. If you have any information on this, please tell me in the comments. 

**An Appeal for Help**  
I have a request to make of you, if you would be so kind. I love to read Castlevania fanfic even more than I like to write it. But, lately, I've been afraid to do so for fear of running into references to the cartoon. I'm trying to get it out of my head, after all. It's no good if any new fanfic I read might bring the cartoon rushing back. So could you be careful in tagging your fanfics, please? If the cartoon is canon to your fic, tag it as such. Could you do that for me? I'd be more grateful to you than you'll ever know if you would.


	2. Dracula

**Headcanon**  
All my life, I’ve had a tendency to be drawn to the villains of the fictional works I read and watch. And why not? Evil is a compelling subject, after all. Dracula is one of those villains, for me. You know the sort I mean. You watch them on the screen and see all the nefarious things they get up to, and you know they’re utterly evil. Obviously, the heroes have to end them, but until they do, man, these villains are fun to watch.

There’s no getting around it: some villains are just plain cool. When I played Symphony of the Night, Dracula completely blew me away, cheesy over-the-top acting and all. I found his sinister elegance mesmerizing.

 **The History**  
Now might be a good time to talk a little bit about the historical Vlad III, otherwise known as Vlad Tepes Dracula. Vlad III came to be known as Dracula for two reasons. His father, Vlad II, was a member of a military fraternity called the Order of the Dragon. The Order's mission was to protect Christian Europe against the ever present threat of invasion by the Ottoman Empire. In honor of his membership in this Order, Vlad II came to be known as Dracul, the dragon. It is only natural that his son would be known as Dracula, literally son of the dragon. Vlad III was also inducted into the Order in his own right, and at a very young age. Dracula could also be taken to mean "little dragon."

As for the Tepes part of Vlad III's name, well that literally means Impaler. He earned this soubriquet many times over for his frequent ordering of impalement during his time as prince of Wallachia. On several occasions, he had Turkish officials impaled. He was determined to keep the Ottoman Empire from invading and believed that cultivating a reputation for absolute brutality would help in that goal. It even seemed to work, for a while anyway. He was determined to consolidate his political power, and to that end, he impaled any nobles that he believed disloyal. He also used impalement as a matter of law and order. When it came to criminality, he only believed in one punishment for any crime. Murderers were impaled, but so were thieves and unwed mothers, often right along with the infants they had born.

 **The Fiction**  
The Dracula of the Castlevania universe is quite a bit different. He took the name Dracula no doubt for its potential sinister connotations. Over time, dragon came to be used as a name for Satan. Thus Dracula could be taken to mean "son of the devil." 

Also note that in Castlevania's version of events, Dracula is not prince of Wallachia. We know this because the whole plot with Lisa's murder rather demands that Dracula be an obscure figure. Think about it. If Dracula were prince of Wallachia, that would make Lisa the princess. Would an unruly mob of peasants dare put their princess to death, as we see them do in Symphony of the Night? I doubt that very much. Even the Church, who are the agents of Lisa's execution in the cartoon, would not have dared court the wrath of a ruler with such a...ahem... _pointed_ sense of justice. Also remember the scene in the Cathedral just after Lisa's death when Dracula appears and announces that he is going to kill everyone in a year. No one believes Dracula is a real being. _Dracula? Who's that,_ the people ask. _I thought he was just some character out of a legend._

Since Castlevania's Dracula is not a prince, his reasons for practicing impalement are very different from the historical Vlad III's. Dracula isn't likely to bother impaling Turkish officials since he has no political, spiritual, or personal reasons to hate them. Nor is he likely to care much one way or the other if they invade Wallachia. Dracula isn't going to be persecuting human nobles since they're no threat to his position as King of the Night, and he probably doesn't care about punishing human criminals either.

 **The First Bit of Fridge Horror**  
When Dracula finally takes up impalement, it is because he has declared war on humanity. But, he doesn't do that until Lisa is murdered. This brings us to the very first visual the cartoon shows us: hundreds, if not thousands of impalment victims lined up in front of Castlevania like so many lawn ornaments. That's a problem because when the cartoon begins, Lisa is just then walking up to Castlevania to meet Dracula for the very first time. In other words, Dracula has impaled many hundreds of people at a point in the timeline when the people have not as yet done anything to earn his wrath. 

Why? Why would Dracula do such a thing? The cartoon provides no explanation, and I don't think the creators even realize they've given us an image that needs an explanation. Since the cartoon never provides us with an in-universe explanation for why Dracula would do such a thing, I can only suppose it is because Dracula is depraved and sadistic. He tortures people to death because he gets a sick thrill out of it, likes the sound of screaming, and enjoys the sight of impaled bodies merrily rotting into skeletons outside his window.

And there goes any idea of Dracula being a sympathetic villain. Seriously, the cartoon was 10 seconds old, and already I was starting to not like Dracula. That's no mean feat considering that I came to the cartoon with a heathy affection for him.

Those impalement victims are an endless source of fridge horror, by the way. We haven't seen the last of them, I promise you.

 **Meet Cute**  
As I see it, the meet cute had three goals: show us why Dracula falls in love with Lisa, show us why Lisa falls in love with Dracula, and show us why we should love them both and want them to be happy together. I think it failed on all three points.

Dracula's behavior was off-putting, to say the least. He spends most of the meet cute, chasing Lisa around the room, invading her personal space, and putting his mouth as close to her neck as possible. He's trying to intimidate her, I understand that. The problem is the cartoon's next scene will skip ahead by 20 years to Lisa's execution. This meet cute is the only opportunity we have to see Lisa and Dracula together. This is our only chance to see them fall in love. And Dracula spends nearly all of it being a creep.

This is especially problematic in light of the impalement victims out on the front lawn. The animators really made things difficult with that one because those victims clearly tell us that Dracula is a mass murderer and torturer. Why would someone like that fall in love with a humanitarian and idealist like Lisa? The whole scenario is a hard sell, and Dracula's behavior doesn't make it any more believable. 

At the end of the meet cute, Dracula finally says, "I think I could like you." The line is too sudden. I had no inkling that Dracula had anything but contempt for Lisa until that point. And this is a sign of a meet cute done wrong. A character should not have to announce that he's falling in love. It should be obvious.

 **Twenty Years Later**  
Dracula returns from a period of traveling only to find that Lisa's cottage is in ashes. An old woman arrives to leave lilies as a token of respect to Lisa, and it is she who explains to Dracula what has happened to his wife. 

Dracula tells her that she should gather her family and leave Wallachia that very night. He says that he is giving her this warning as a tribute to his wife who always showed kindness to humans and looked after their ills. A tribute? What does this tell us? Dracula may not have been there to hear Lisa's final words, but he clearly realizes that she would want him to show mercy. He is simply choosing to ignore her wishes on this matter. This scene makes me seriously doubt that Dracula ever really loved her.

The more I think about, the more Dracula looks like a psychopath. The impalement victims killed for no apparent reason would seem to point in that direction. And Dracula is not acting like a grieving widower who has just lost a beloved spouse. Instead, he's acting like a megalomaniac who's just had a prized toy stolen from him.

Also note that Dracula's attitude here contradicts Symphony of the Night. There it is made clear that he has no idea what Lisa's last wishes would be, and he is appalled when he learns that everything he has done to avenge her has actually been a violation of those last wishes. This is one of the most touching moments in the game. To see it ignored here is unacceptable.

 **The Warning**  
Dracula uses a fire spell to teleport to the Cathedral where he promptly growls, "Where is my wife?" I hate to tell you this Drac, but I think your fire spell just incinerated what was left of her body. Note to the animators, maybe next time don't have a grief-stricken widower accidently desecrate his wife's remains. What the hell, was that supposed to be funny?

Dracula addresses the assembled Wallachians, telling them that he is giving them one year, after which he intends to slaughter anyone who remains in Wallachia. This is a strange, out of character moment. Modern armies announce their intentions sometimes. _We begin bombing in 24 hours_ , that sort of thing. When they do that, it is because they know there are civilians in the target area, and they want to give those people a chance to escape before they begin operations. Such warnings are an effort to minimize casualties. But, the Wallachians have just murdered Dracula's wife. He is not in a mood to show mercy, nor is he the least bit interested in minimizing casualties. Quite the opposite, he wants a bloodbath. The idea that he would give the Wallachians an entire year in which to flee is ludicrous.

Thinking back to the previous scene, how is Dracula's warning to that old woman supposed to be an act of mercy now? Why must she and her family leave that very night when everyone else in Wallachia has a full year? The creators of this cartoon really have no idea how to create a coherent narrative.

 **The Confrontation**  
Dracula teleports to Castlevania where he immediately smashes his laboratory to bits in what can only be described as a temper tantrum. While the games are very clear that Dracula is merciless and spiteful, they also portray him as suave and elegant, a gentleman possessing both class and refinement. I do not care to see him acting like an overgrown toddler.

Next, he grabs a spellbook and says that he will need one year to summon his army. Why? An army of the night comes with the Castle. Castlevania was full of monsters back when Walter still owned the place. Where have all those monsters been during the past 20 years?

Alucard walks in at this point, and he is not wearing any shirt. No explanation is given for this. Apparently, Alucard just likes to wander the Castle half-dressed, nevermind that medieval castles were cold, and Alucard is half human. The chill would have to get to him. Considering his getup in Symphony of the Night in which he wore shirt, vest, coat, and cape, this state of half undress is odd to say the least.

He confronts his father and tries to talk him out of his planned slaughter of the Wallachians. Dracula responds with an attack so brutal that it is not even shown on screen. That escalated quickly. Dracula learned of Lisa's death no more than half an hour ago. Am I supposed to believe that in that length of time, he has gone from loving husband and father and all-round family man to attempting to murder his own son and only remaining family member? 

No. This just serves further to make Dracula look like a psychopath. Here's the thing about psychopaths: they cannot love; they can only possess. That is exactly how Dracula is treating both Lisa and Alucard. Lisa would want him to be merciful, and he clearly knows that. He just doesn't care. Lisa was only a possession, and she's not around anymore. What she would want doesn't matter. When Alucard tries to remind him of the kind of woman Lisa was, Dracula doesn't take kindly to it. Alucard is also just a possession to him, and now that possession is misbehaving. So, Dracula reaches out and tries to break the misbehaving toy. 

**Well Met, My Son!**  
I can't accept the cartoon's portrayal of Dracula, especially not his treatment of Alucard. Remember the first thing Dracula says to him in Symphony of the Night, "Well met, my son." There's not a trace of sarcasm or bitterness in that line, either. Dracula is genuinely happy to see his son. Stop and think about that. The last time Dracula laid eyes on him, Alucard was standing shoulder to shoulder with Trevor, Sypha, and Grant, helping them to strike him down. And yet 300 years later, Dracula is prepared to welcome him back. In spite of everything, Dracula never stopped loving his son.

I suppose this is the real reason why I like Dracula so much. It isn't the sinister elegance or the delightfully cheesy dialogue. It's that somewhere deep in the dark recesses of his soul Dracula still has some few shreds of love left, and with them the possibility for redemption.

The cartoon took all of that away.


	3. Lisa/Meet Cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rather messy and disorganized. After weeks of messing with it, I figured it wasn't going to get any better and gave up.

**Headcanon**  
Lisa Fahrenheit, as she exists in my headcanon, is a kind and compassionate woman who wants nothing more out of life than to be a healer and to relieve the suffering of the sick and ailing in her village. When many years of effort toward that end earn her nothing other than an accusation of witchcraft and a death sentence, Lisa spends her last few moments of life pleading with her son to show mercy to the very people who are burning her alive. The woman is essentially a saint. 

I also see her as a wise and perceptive woman. She somehow falls in love with Dracula, of all people. It would take someone special to see redeeming qualities in a vampire lord, but I've always imagined Lisa as being quite up to the task. I have always considered this one of the most interesting plot points in all of Castlevania, and sadly, the games never really give any details about it. That is why stories of how Lisa and Dracula met and fell in love are some of my favorite things to read in CV fanfiction.

Just how does anyone, particularly someone as kind as Lisa, fall in love with a vampire lord? As a healer, Lisa tries to save lives. As a vampire, Dracula must feed upon the living to sustain his own life. I've given this a lot of thought over the years, and I've come to the conclusion that Lisa's love for Dracula must be partially based on ignorance. Lisa probably didn't know anything about Dracula's past as Mathias Cronqvist. Why would she? He lived centuries before her time. And if you didn't know what happened in Lament of Innocence, how would you imagine that Dracula came by his vampirism? You'd probably assume that he was bitten and turned against his will, as other vampires are.

This ignorance is necessary to maintain the purity of Lisa's character. I cannot imagine that she could have loved Dracula if she knew he had chosen of his own freewill to become a creature that must prey upon humans to survive. I like to imagine that she felt sorry for Dracula. _Poor Dracula. It's not his fault he has to drink the blood of the living. Everyone has to eat, after all. I wonder if I could find a way to cure him?_

Dracula certainly wouldn't want his vampirism cured, but I've always imagined that he would feel touched that Lisa cared enough to want to try. This is how I like to imagine their love beginning. 

**A Love Affair with a Torturer**  
I told you those impalement victims on Dracula's lawn would come back to haunt us, and here they are. Lisa must walk right through this forest of the impaled to reach Castlevania. This is a real problem. Lisa has no protective ignorance. She sees with her own eyes the evidence of Dracula's cruelty. She cannot explain away these killings by saying that even vampire lords need to eat. Dracula didn't merely drain these people; he tortured them to death. 

A sight like that would tell most of us that the Castle's lord is an utterly depraved creature, without mercy or compassion of any sort. Lisa somehow comes to the conclusion that Dracula is really just a lonely old man who needs to get out more. _Meet some humans, Drac. You might like them if you did. Maybe do some traveling. And no teleports! That would be cheating._

This might have worked if the cartoon had shown us anything redeemable or likeable in Dracula's character, or in fact, if it had given Dracula much of a character at all. But, it did not. As I said last chapter, the cartoon almost went out of its way to put Dracula in the worst light possible. As a result, Lisa does not look like the compassionate and wise saint I've been imagining all these years. Instead, she looks like an utter fool for loving him.

 **Curiously Incurious**  
Another problem with Lisa is her utter lack of curiosity. The cartoon insisted on making her a scientist, but I don't think that works given the situation she is in. Lisa lives in a setting where magic is very real, and everyone knows that it is real. She knocks on the door of the most powerful sorcerer in Europe, if not the entire world. And at no point during the meet cute scene does Lisa ask Dracula a single question about magic. 

Lisa dreams of being a healer, but she isn't even remotely interested in the magical possibilties of healing. This is strange since the games clearly show us that healing spells exist. She even goes out of her way to sneer at village wise women "pouring potions down people's throats." Odd, that. Potions exist in the Castlevania universe, and they work better than anything modern medicine can provide.

She also doesn't seem the least bit intrigued by Dracula's vampirism. Standing before her is a dead creature that somehow still has the semblence of life. Dracula's mere existence defies every biological principle and is absolute proof that science does not have all the answers. But Lisa doesn't seem the least bit interested in that.

 **Bizarre Worldbuilding: Witchcraft**  
Ultimately, Lisa's behavior probably says much less about her character than it does about Warren Ellis' choice of worldbuilding.

When Lisa first comes to the Castle, Dracula asks her why she has come. She says she wishes to learn to heal people, and Dracula promptly comes to the wrong conclusion. "You knocked on my door because you want to smear chicken blood on peasants," he sneers. 

"Please, don't mistake me for a witch," Lisa retorts. "Everyone out there already thinks that's what I am."

Smearing chicken blood on a sick person does sound like the kind of folk ritual that might really have been practiced in the middle ages. Unfortunately, this is not how the Castlevania universe works. This is one of those times where Warren Ellis' determination to situate the narrative within the framework of real history simply does not work. We meet a lot of witches over the course of the games: Sypha and Yoko Belnades, Charlotte Aulin, Carrie Fernandez, Maria Renard, Shanoa. These ladies use the power of the elements, spell books, magical rings, summoning, and glyph magic. None of them smear chicken blood on anyone. 

There's also the sheer scorn with which Dracula speaks. He clearly holds witches in contempt. That's odd since we meet no small number of Witches, Student Witches, Salem Witches, and more in the metroidvanias. If Dracula thinks so little of witches, why recruit them for his army of the night?

 **Bizarre Worldbuilding: Dracula Forgets His Own Weaknesses**  
Even though Lisa has assured Dracula that she has no desire to be a witch, Dracula is still not impressed. "I suppose you've come here loaded down with garlic, silver, and crucifixes," he sneers.

Lisa responds that no, a little garlic breath aside, she doesn't have any items like that on her because she is a good woman of science and doesn't hold with such superstitious nonsense. Dracula relents ever so slightly and acts just a triffle impressed.

Wait, what? Last time I checked, garlic, silver, and crucifixes all worked on creatures of the night in the Castlevania universe. Simon Belmont uses all three of those things. In the interest of fairness, I can sort of understand Warren Ellis not knowing about the garlic. As far as I'm aware, that only shows up in Simon's Quest, and how many people, even among diehard Castlevania fans, have played that one? But the silver shows up in multiple games. And as for the crucifixes, I have no idea how anybody could get that wrong. With the possible exception of Order of Ecclesia, there isn't a single Castlevania game where a crucifix, cross, or rosary doesn't play a role somewhere.

 **Bizarre Worldbuilding: The Mechanical Castle**  
At one point, Lisa asks Dracula if he can travel. "Yes, I can travel," he answers. "This Castle is a machine that can..." She cuts him off then to tell him that teleportation isn't what she meant.

The Castle is a machine? No. Just no.

We know what the Castle is. Alucard has told us in multiple games. In Symphony of the Night he tells Maria that, "This Castle is a creature of Chaos. It may take many incarnations." In Aria of Sorrow he tells Soma Cruz that the Castle is "a spiritual world" and "an extension of Dracula's power." Also in that game, Soma must fight Chaos itself in order to win his freedom from the Castle. In Harmony of Dissonance, Juste Belmont actually enters the Castle's...um...I don't really know what to call it? The Castle's astral double? It's soul? Whatever it was, it's pretty clear proof that Castlevania is a being of some sort. It is not a machine.

 **An Unlikely Mentor**  
Eventually Dracula relents on his contempt for Lisa and decides to help her. He'll show her "the science of immortals." Because apparently Dracula is some sort of scientist in this cartoon. Why, I don't know. Nothing in the games alludes to this. The closest Dracula ever gets to science in the games is alchemy. In the real world, alchemy was the precursor to chemistry and thus could be thought of as a sort of proto-science. The Castlevania universe is different setting entirely; things work very differently there. In Lament of Innocence, we clearly see some of the things alchemy can do. It can make a magical stone that confers upon the bearer an unending night. It can make a stone that will turn the bearer into a vampire. It can bind souls into weapons and create holy, vampire-slaying whips. None of that looks like a primitive form of chemistry. Alchemy in the Castlevania universe is pretty much just straight up sorcery.

Even stranger is that Lisa isn't looking to learn just any science. She wishes to learn medicine. There is no plausible reason why Dracula would have any medical knowledge to offer her. He is a vampire, a predator of humans. He does not care about techniques for keeping the human body alive longer. And as for his own body, he may not be pushing up the daisies, but his metabolic processes are long since history. He cannot contract disease anymore. He has an accelerated healing factor which means his injuries heal in minutes. He also lives in a magical Castle which can produce healing potions out of thin air. Let us be realistic. The extent of Dracula's secret medical knowledge is the Soul Steal spell.

Having Dracula teach Lisa medicine is a major mistake for reasons beyond the implausibility of it. We'll get into that in a later chapter.


	4. Married Life

**Homecoming**  
During Dracula's return from a period of traveling, a random villager cries out, "Hello, Mr. Tepes!" *snerk* That villager is basically calling him "Mr. Impaler!"

But, this scene has a significance far beyond showing that Warren Ellis failed to do his homework. That villager's recognition of Dracula tells us something important. It tells us that Dracula is a regular sight in that village. The implication is quite clear: we are supposed to understand that Dracula has been living with Lisa in Lupu for the past 20 years.

When the old woman shows up to leave lilies at the remains of Lisa's cottage, her converstion with Dracula only confirms that he has been a resident of the village. Notice that the old woman doesn't question that he is Lisa's husband or act in any way startled to see him here. Also note what Dracula himself says, "My wife said to me, 'If you would love me as a man, live as a man, travel as a man.'" That's pretty clear. Dracula has been "living as a man" in that village for the past 20 years. 

**First the Fridge Logic Kicks In**  
I'll admit that the idea of Dracula and Lisa living together in the village does have some charm. Unfortunately, it's also completely impossible. Dracula is the King of the Night, the Prince of Darkness, the Lord of the Vampires. He is dominant among all the other creatures of the night, and he must safeguard his dignity if he has any hope of maintaining that dominance. Think about it. Are the werewolves, succubi, and other vampires going to take orders from a vampire lord who's deserted his Castle and throne to live with a mortal woman in a peasants' village? Of course not! The other creatures of the night would take such a move as a sign that Dracula's gone soft and challenge his supremacy at the earliest opportunity. There is simply no way Dracula can live in the village with Lisa.

Another problem with this scenario is that it puts Dracula right in the middle of a 20 year long curtainfic. I mean, you can just imagine the domestic situations Lisa and Dracula would get into, can't you?

_"Vlad, I'm busy making dinner. Could you go fetch a pail of water from the well?"  
"Sure, honey. Just let me get my shoes on."_

Ugh, no. Just no. Listen, I'm as big a fan of curtainfics as the next person, but it depends on the pairing. Alucard/Maria? Bring it on! Soma/Mina? Yes, please. Jonathan/Charlotte? Not my favorite ship, but it could be fun. Alucard/Lyudmil? I don't think you can even do a fic with that pairing that doesn't have curtainfic elements. He was Alucard's servant, after all. I just don't want to imagine the King of the Vampires doing chores. It takes something away from the character, I feel. It makes him look comical. I don't want Dracula to be comical.

 **And Then the Fridge Horror Creeps In**  
Dracula tells the old woman that she should gather her family and they should leave Wallachia that very night. His encounter with her is entirely random. She's no one special to him. He doesn't even address her by name. Notice that he makes no effort to warn anyone else in the village or offer them any protection from his planned wrath. What does that tell us? In 20 years of living and traveling among humans, Dracula hasn't made a single human friend. 

Also consider what this says about Lisa. In 20 years of living with Dracula, she never noticed that he didn't warm to a single human other than herself.

 **I Don't Think This Was a Healthy Marriage**  
Lisa told Dracula, "If you would love me as a man, live as a man, travel as a man." Stop and think about what that means. For years, she asked Dracula to spend every waking moment pretending to be something he was not. Frankly, that sounds cruel. It's as if Lisa never accepted Dracula for what he really was. 

I have no wish to imagine Lisa and Dracula's relationship this way.


	5. Execution

**Alucard's Nightmare**  
I have no idea if this cartoon is supposed to be a canonical piece of Castlevania lore or not. Lisa's execution scene is a point where I feel the cartoon almost has to be an authorized fanwork. It simply contradicts Symphony of the Night in too many details to be anything else.

In Symphony of the Night, Alucard is present at Lisa's execution and offers to rescue her. "No, Alucard," she replies. "Don't come here." Why does she say this? I've never understood, and the game provides no explanation. My headcanon is that the villagers realize that there is something supernatural about Alucard and have laid a trap with holy objects so they can kill him too. I have no idea if that is what the game makers intended, but I like this explanation. To save one's child at any cost is the act of a true mother.

Lisa goes on to say, "It's alright. If my death can save others, I gladly surrender my life." Who does she think she is saving? Again the game does not explain, so I've had to resort to headcanons. In historical witchcraft trials, there was the assumption that a witch does not practice her craft alone, and those accused were often pressured to name covenmates. Perhaps this is what happened to Lisa. Imagine that she was asked to name her covenmates, perhaps with a promise that her life would be spared if she did. This would put Lisa in quite a bind since she is not in a coven and has no one she can name. She could have just named random people to save her skin, of course. That fact that she does not makes her a magnificently brave woman. Again, I have no idea if this is what the game makers intended for us to think. What is clear is that Lisa believes her death is saving someone.

Lisa's death scene from the game gave me the impression that I was watching the passion of a martyr. There was something transcendent about it, something holy. Lisa has the demeanor of a saint and gives every impression of having gone to her death of her own freewill.

 **No! It Wasn't Like This**  
The cartoon takes all of Lisa's saintly dignity away. First of all, Alucard isn't even there. How is that supposed to fit into the rest of the canon? At the end of Symphony of the Night, Alucard tells Dracula what Lisa's final words were. According to the cartoon, Alucard isn't even there to hear them. Worse yet, with Alucard not present, there is no one offering to save Lisa. Nor is there any implication that her death is saving anyone else. Cartoon!Lisa is a passive victim entirely without any agency or power in the situation. 

Lisa is one of my favorite Castlevania characters. I really cannot stand what the cartoon has done to her. 

**The Bishop**  
It is during Lisa's execution that we first meet the Bishop. We learn three things about him: his is evil, he is power hungry, and he is fanatical. For someone who enjoys dissecting the psychological makeup of villainous characters as I do, this man is a real bore. Why is he so evil? Because he is power hungry and fanatical. Why is he so power hungry and fanatical? Because he is evil. He is given no motivation and no backstory, and he serves an nothing more than a caricature of everything that could possibly go wrong in the medieval Church.

 **Fridge Horror**  
Remember a few chapters back when I said that having Dracula teach Lisa medicine was a mistake? Now we come to it. 

Consider what Lisa essentially did when she sought out Dracula. She intentionally makes contact with a supernatural being, specifically a supernatural being that is at war with God. She makes an alliance with that supernatural being, and the fruit of that alliance is that Lisa was able to aquire skills and knowledge beyond the ken of ordinary people. To make matters worse, Lisa has a sexual relationship with that supernatural being, and she even bears him a son.

When you stop and think about it, isn't that exactly what the medieval Church thought witches did? Through sheer clumsiness, the cartoon just conceded the Bishop's point. Ugh!


	6. Alucard

**A Dark Past**  
According to the really old school Castlevania lore, Alucard started off as a bit of a bad guy. The game manual for Dracula's Curse describes Alucard as the "having reached a point where he could no longer abide his father's evilness." That implies that there was a time when Alucard wasn't tired of his father's war. The manual goes on to say that Alucard initially opposed Trevor Belmont but then had a change of heart. He then sought out Trevor to test him in a duel to see if Trevor would be a suitable ally in his fight against Dracula.

The cartoon ignores this backstory completely and portrays Alucard as a pure hero who opposes his father from the very beginning. This makes utter hash of Alucard's characterization in Symphony of the Night. Note his dialogue in that game, "The blood that flows through my veins is cursed. 'Twould be best for the world if I disappear forever." Really, Alucard? He is as much Lisa's son as he is Dracula's, and Lisa was a saint. He could just as easily conclude that the blood in that flows in his veins is blessed. But he doesn't. He fixates on his paternal heritage to the exclusion of all else which makes him far too emo for my tastes. But, if we imagine that he was a villain before teaming up with Trever, then his attitude of self-loathing makes perfect sense.

Ironically, a villainous past is necessary before I can imagine Alucard as an acceptable hero. Consider his line to Richter at the end of Symphony, "You must always remember that the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." That's great, Alucard. But, haven't you spent the past 300 years doing nothing?

Think about it. Dracula is resurrected in the 16th century, and Christopher Belmont must fight him. Alone. He is the first Belmont ever to fight Dracula unaided. That must have been terrifying. On top of that, Christopher doesn't really manage to kill Dracula. The Count tricks Christopher into believing that he has, and the Castle falls. But as soon as Christopher's back is turned, Dracula escapes the rubble of the ruined Castle. If Alucard had been there, he might have seen through his father's ruse and been able to warn Christopher. Fifteen years later, Dracula has recovered somewhat from his defeat, and in a plot to regain his power, he kidnaps Christopher's son Soleil (I refuse to use the Soleiyu spelling). Christopher must then fight through four different castles just to get to Castlevania, and he's not getting any younger at this point. And with Soleil kidnapped, the Belmont bloodline is in serious peril. But Alucard does not show up to help.

In the 17th century, Dracula is again resurrected, and Simon must fight him, again without assistance from Alucard. I'll admit, that part is probably okay. Who among us could honestly imagine Simon needing any help? (Seriously, there's a picture of Simon in the dictionary next to the entry for "badass." True story. Look it up if you don't believe me.) Even so, Alucard's experience with magic could have come in handy during the final confrontation in the Throne Room. Alucard might have been able to thwart his father's curse, and even if he couldn't, he still could have advised Simon of what had happened. As it is, Simon must wait several years before he finally learns of the curse Dracula placed on him before dying, and he must take steps to remedy it himself. With Simon dying of the curse and not having any children yet, the Belmont lineage is again in serious danger, but Alucard does not show up to help. 

It is not until 1797, in Wallachia's darkest hour, that Alucard leaves the confines of his tomb. With Richter firmly under Shaft's mind control and the Vampire Killer lost with him, Alucard is literally the only one who can set things right. He doesn't emerge until circumstances are absolutely dire. 

If we suppose that Alucard was a good guy all along, then his 300 year absence is deeply irresponsible. The Belmonts could have used his help. And, what of fulfilling his mother's dying wish of seeing to it that no harm befalls humans? Alucard's little lecture to Ritcher comes off as pure hypocrisy since Alucard himself has spent 300 years doing nothing.

If we suppose that Alucard has a past as a villain, then his behavior is perfectly justified. If he did terrible things while still participating in his father's war, then it's no wonder why he would lock himself away for centuries. He could reasonably believe that his presence among humans represents a far greater danger than could possibly be offset by the help he could provide the Belmonts.

There is one final reason why I think we need villain!Alucard. His powers in Symphony of the Night make no sense otherwise. Think about it. Soul Steal is a pretty sinister spell when you get down to it. I'll concede that Soul Steal is actually pretty handy when storming the Castle, so Alucard could have had benign reasons for learning it. It's hard to claim the same for Dark Metamorphosis. It only works on creatures that have blood, and considering that Dracula's minions are frequently skeletons, animated suits of armor, and such, it's a spell of extremely limited use. It would be quite effective to use against humans, though.

The cartoon's insistence that Alucard be a good guy right from the start doesn't necessarily have to be bad or wrong. It simply doesn't mesh well with game canon. If the cartoon is meant to stand outside of canon as an authorized fanwork, then I have little problem with this plot point.

 **Missed Opportunity**  
What is wrong is the cartoon's refusal to examine any of Alucard's motivations for helping Trevor. After the duel, Trevor asks Alucard why his is willing to help him and Sypha. Alucard's response? "Because it's what my mother would have wanted. And in the end, we are all just slaves to our families' wishes."

 _Really, Alucard? That's the only reason you have?_ Alucard is agreeing to help kill his own father, for crying out loud. He must have some deep seated personal motivation for doing so. 'Because Mommy would have wanted it that way' don't cut it. His father wants something very different. Why is Alucard choosing to side with his mother, and not his father? There's a potentially riveting story here. The cartoon could have gotten into Alucard's reasons for believe that humans are worth saving. At the heart of the Castlevania storyline is Dracula's insistence that humans are the real monsters. Is he right? The story of how Alucard came to decide that his father is wrong would have been fascinating. How could Warren Ellis, how can any storyteller worthy of the name, choose not to examine such an interesting plot point?


	7. Sypha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very brief chapter this time.

**The Vampire Huntress**  
In Dracula's Curse, Sypha is given a tragic backstory. Her parents had magical abilities of some kind. Presumably, they could manipulate the elements like Sypha can. At first, that wasn't a problem. Then a vampiress came along and started stirring up trouble. This vampiress spread rumors that Sypha's parents were involved with evil practices of some kind. The villagers believed the rumors and had Sypha's parents executed. Fortunately, Sypha herself escaped and fled to a nearby church were she was granted sanctuary and protection.  
Later on at the request of the Church, Sypha goes on a mission to fight Dracula. It is during this mission that she encounters the Cyclops and is turned to stone.

 **The Mystical Warlord**  
The game manual for Dracula's Curse describes Sypha as the "mystical warlord of Warakiya." What exactly does that mean? I assume Warakiya is just a Japanese person's best effort at pronouncing Wallachia. As for the rest of it, neither the game nor the manual go into any details. One thing I think is perfectly clear, however: Sypha must be an utter badass.

Let's revisit the chapter on Dracula for a moment. Remember when I said that the historical Vlad Tepes III was the prince of Wallachia? That wasn't quite accurate. While he was indeed the ruler of Wallachia, his title was not prince. His actual title was voivode which literally means "warlord." When Konami made Dracula's Curse, they had not yet begun separating their Dracula from Bram Stoker's. Did the game makers know of Vlad Tepes III's real title? Was Sypha supposed to be a military rival to Dracula himself? I don't know. It's possible. I know this for certain: Sypha is supposed to be a warrior and a leader of other warriors. All these years, I've been picturing Sypha as a mix of Gandalf the Grey and Xena, Warrior Princess. 

**The Speaker**  
The cartoon turns Sypha into a pacifist scholar. I am not amused.


	8. Trevor

**An Impossible Backstory**  
According to the cartoon, Trevor is the last remaining Belmont. It is implied that all the others were massacred somehow. The problem is, that's not even remotely plausible. As we know from the games, the Belmonts are a clan of supernaturally gifted warriors, just one of whom is quite capable of charging into a demon castle and defeating an entire army of darkness all on his (or her) own. Does Warren Ellis really expect me to believe that the entire clan could be wiped out en masse by mobs of peasants armed with nothing by torches and pitchforks?

The sad thing is that after watching Trevor on screen, I could almost believe it. Trevor loses bar fights and gets his ass handed to him by poorly trained priestly thugs. As a warrior, cartoon!Trevor doesn't amount to much. It was embarrassing to watch, really. Clearly, Warren Ellis never got the message that Belmonts are supposed to be badasses.

 **A Whiff of Fridge Horror**  
And on the subject of Belmonts looking bad, let's revisit those impalement victims that we saw on Dracula's lawn at the start of the cartoon. Remember that the cartoon begins in 1455, long before the Belmonts were wiped out. Also remember that according to lore, Trevor is the first Belmont to face Dracula. Apparently, Dracula managed to impale several thousand people, and no Belmonts ever came to stop him!

 **Fridge Horror: The Appetizer**  
Our first look at Trevor Belmont reveals nothing good about the man. We find him sitting in tavern in some rural village somewhere calmly drinking his ale while Dracula's demonic army rampages across Wallachia. Trevor doesn't care about any of that, and he'd tell you so himself. In fact, "I don't care" is pretty much this man's motto.

It's as if the Fates have conspired to present Trevor with the moral equavalent of a pop quiz. The quiz is a simple four questions long, true or false.

_1). True or False: Dracula has begun a genocide against your homeland.  
2). True or False: Dracula is evil must be stopped.  
3). True or False: You have dangling from your belt the only means of defeating Dracula.  
4). True or False: You should get off your damn barstool and do something about Dracula._

For those playing along at home, the answers to 1,2, and 4 are completely true. Number 3, is true as far as Trevor knows. While there are in fact ways to kill Dracula that do not require the Vampire Killer whip, Trevor wouldn't be aware of any of them at this point in the timeline. Trevor realizes that inaction on his part will inevitably condemn every man, every woman, and every child in Wallachia to certain death. And yet, we see him stumble around Wallachia telling everyone, "I don't care!" Trevor struggles with this little quiz and will need significant character development before he is able to pass it.

The really disturbing thing here is the parellel between Trevor and Dracula. A small group of humans put Lisa to death, and a larger group stood by watching and did nothing to help. For this, Dracula has decided that everyone in Wallachia should die. It never crosses Dracula's mind that Lisa was arrested in the village of Lupu and executed in the city of Targoviste, and the vast majority of Wallachians do not live in either place. Only the people actually present at Lisa's arrest or execution were in any position to help, but Dracula will hear no arguments to that effect. There are no innocent humans. 

Trevor is using the same thought process. A small group of Wallachians murdered his family while a larger group did nothing to stop the violence. How many Wallachians do you suppose ever met a Belmont in their lives? Probably not that many. As with Lisa, the vast majority of Wallachians could not have helped if they had wanted to. And as with Dracula, Trevor has no sympathy for this argument. He is prepared to let Dracula slaughter the whole population out of spite. 

Someone really needs to tell Warren Ellis than Reluctant Hero and Chosen One are two tropes that do not play well together.

 **Fridge Horror: The Main Course**  
Remember that scene in Targoviste where Dracula first unleashes his army. He gives the demons their marching orders by saying, "After you've killed everyone here, I want you to attack the following cities. Then, spread out into the countryside." Dracula names about a dozen cities of which Gressit is at the very bottom of the list. In other words, by the time the Horde reaches Gressit, they've pretty much wiped out every other population center Dracula thought worth mentioning by name. 

Also consider that none of those other cities would have fallen quickly. In Gressit we see pretty clearly how the Horde operates. The demons do not rush into a town en masse and destroy everyone and everything in one night. No. They prefer to drag out the job. They stage nightly raids every night for a week, for two weeks, for three. For however long is necessary to finally kill everyone.

I want you to imagine that you live in one of these cities under attack. Every morning for the past four days, you've found the heads of your neighbors displayed on spikes, their intestines strung up like so much Christmas tinsel. Do you think you might start to panic at that point? Perhaps you would think to yourself, _If I stay in this city another night, it will by my head found on a spike in the morning._ I suspect that thought would cross a great many people's minds. Realistically, the streets and roads of Wallachia would be clogged with desperate people trying to flee these threatened cities. And wherever those refugees go, they would spread word of where the Horde is currently active. 

Since the Horde spends weeks at a time in any particular city, that gives plenty of time for rumors to spread. Rumors that would eventually reach Trevor. And Trevor never made a single effort to go to the aid of any of those cities. Even though he knew he was their one and only hope for survival.

Let's observe a minute of silence for all those people who died while waiting for Trevor Belmont to evolve.

 **Fridge Horror: I Hope You Saved Room for Dessert**  
Remember that scene in the Targoviste Cathedral just after Lisa's execution. Dracula appears and promises to rain vengeance down upon Wallachia in a year. He takes the form of a giant face made of fire and appears before a crowd of people. Have you ever been inside a cathedral? I have. I was stunned by the sheer size of it. A building like that could easily hold several thousand people.

I doubt those people would have remained silent about what they'd seen and heard that day. Dracula's appearance was almost certainly the most dramatic thing they've ever seen in their lives. In the days and weeks that followed, they would have told everyone they know about Dracula's threat. And those people would tell everyone they know, and on and on. Within a few months, everyone in Wallachia would have heard the story.

Everyone, including Trevor. Trevor had at least several month's worth of advance warning that his family's nemesis was plotting genocide against his homeland. And he did nothing about it. He could have. He could have gone to the Castle and dealt with Dracula before Dracula could finish summoning his demons. He didn't bother because he was feeling vindictive over his family's mistreatment. And in his spite, he betrays his family's legacy of protecting the people from creatures of the night. 

There's a lot of violence in this cartoon. Trevor's apathy makes him as much the cause of it as Dracula. Every time you see a child ripped in half or an infant in the jaws of a demon, remember that Trevor Belmont had the opportunity to prevent all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe now you understand why I hate this cartoon so much.


	9. Wallachia

**Nation of Fools**  
The cartoon's portrayal of ordinary Wallachians shows them as anything but endearing. That's a problem. We're supposed to be cheering for our heroes as they attempt to save Wallachia from a terrible fate. Unfortunately, we never really get to know anyone who really seems worth the bother.

 **Goatherd**  
One scene takes place in a tavern, and we meet a goatherd. Eventually a shepherd stumbles in demanding a drink. The Horde has been sighted nearby, and the shepherd is pretty shaken up. The goatherd tells him not to worry. The Horde will pass them by and head for the next major city, Gressit, where the people deserve what's going to happen. The goatherd goes on to say that Dracula's not so bad. After all, he's getting rid of all those pesky noble families that keep common people like himself from getting ahead. 

Charming fellow. It never occurs to him that Dracula's forces are also slaughtering innocent women and children. The goatherd believes that when the dust settles from Dracula's little bloodbath, life will be better for him, so never mind the number of people dying now. Remember, this character is supposed to be comic relief! I didn't laugh. All I want to do is ram his shovel handle up his ass.

 **The Old Woman**  
Dracula returns from a period of traveling only to find that Lisa's cottage is in ashes. An old woman arrives to leave lilies as a token of respect to Lisa, and it is she who explains to Dracula what has happened to his wife.

This woman's dialogue does not endear her to me. With a grieving, and seemingly homeless, widower standing right in front of her, she proceeds to make the situation all about herself. Lisa was a good doctor, she says. She took good care of me, she says. I don't know what I'm going to do without her, she says. There are no words of comfort or offers of help from her. No condolences or suggestions that he could stay at her home until he finds a new place to live. None of the basic words of kindness actual human beings say in such situations. We hear nothing of genuine sympathy from this woman. If I were Dracula, I would have given her a Dark Inferno right in the face.

 **The Speakers**  
I want to like the Speakers. I really do. Of all the Wallachians we meet, they are the only ones who seem capable of giving a fig about someone other than themselves. They have that going for them. I simply can't take seriously a group of scholars who don't write anything down. Bear in mind that the printing press was invented in 1450, and it would have been revolutionizing Europe for a quarter of a century by the time we meet the Speakers. For scholars to eschew writing at that point in history would be as absurd as a modern scholar refusing to embrace the Internet. 

**The People as a Whole**  
At one point, the people of Gressit are about to attack some Speakers because the Church has convinced them that the Speakers are responsible for all their suffering. Trevor steps up and tells the people that, no it isn't the Speakers. Really, it's the priests who are to blame. The people promptly turn on the priests. 

*headdesk*

The people didn't seem to demand much in the way of evidence when Lisa was accused of witchcraft, and they didn't demand much when the Belmonts were accused of heresy. That's fine. The Church is very powerful. I just assumed that they have a massive propaganda apparatus at their disposal and can make the people believe anything.

Then Trevor comes along and contradicts the priests. Trevor, the most disgraced person in all of Wallachia. The people instantly listen and believe him. They believe him so completely that they kill based on what he said. 

The credulity of the people has nothing to do with propaganda. It turns out they just can't think for themselves. 

**They Don't Deserve to Be Slaughtered, But...**  
I've said that Trevor Belmont is utterly despicable for not standing up to Dracula sooner. I stand by that statement. Genocide is evil and must be stopped. That should have been reason enough for Trevor to act, and it is reason enough for viewers to want him to succeed. Nevertheless, it would have been nice if Warren Ellis had given us some Wallachians that are genuinely likeable. As it is, we're stuck opposing Dracula's genocide strictly as a matter of moral abstraction. And I do not find that satisfying. I want to care about these people, and I can't.


	10. Canon Divergence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I have no idea if the cartoon is meant to be a canon work. I wish i knew.

**Nocturne of Recollection**  
There are a couple of canon works that simply cannot be reconciled with the cartoon's timeline. One of these is the radio drama Nocturne of Recollection. In that story, there are some flashback sequences that reveal Alucard once had a servant named Lyudmil. Lyudmil's family tried to prevent Lisa's execution. Not only did they fail, but they were all put to death for daring to try. Lyudmil alone escaped, and having nowhere else to go, he went to only place he could think of where he might be welcome: Castlevania. Once there, he offers his services to Alucard which Alucard accepts.

This clearly shows that Alucard lived in Castlevania for at least several months after Lisa's death and before teaming up Trevor. There's no way to mesh this with the cartoon. In the cartoon, Lisa is killed, Dracula attacks Alucard, and Alucard is forced to enter a year-long magical coma all in the same day. There is no Lyudmil.

This bothers me greatly. Lyudmil is precious to me. When you stop and think about it, he's probably the only friend Alucard ever has, from Legends all the way to the Sorrow games, who is not asking him to kill his own father. That's pretty special.

 **Curse of Darkness**  
I also have no idea how the cartoon is supposed to mesh with the backstories of the two devil forgemasters, Hector and Isaac. As I understand it, their backstory is as follows: At some point, Dracula recruits a human with magical talent named Isaac. He trains Isaac in the art of devil forgery, and eventually Isaac becomes a devil forgemaster. Later, Dracula recruits and trains Hector, and Hector in turn becomes a devil forgemaster. Not only that, but Dracula is so impressed with Hector that he names Hector as his general. This pretty much makes Hector the most powerful being in Castlevania after Dracula and Death. 

Eventually, Hector has enough of Dracula's war on humanity and flees Castlevania to live with his girlfriend and eventual wife, Rosaly. In the game when Hector confronts Dracula, he tells him that when Dracula began slaughtering humans indiscriminately, Hector had no choice put to disobey. In the cartoon, Dracula's war is an indiscriminate slaughter from the moment he unleashes the Horde on Targoviste, so that would have to be the moment when Hector decided to flee. 

This would mean that first Isaac and then Hector were recruited and trained as devil forgemasters all during that same year that Dracula was summoning up his demonic army. That does not seem like nearly enough time. Does it to you? And besides, wouldn't Dracula have been too busy with his summoning ritual to train them?

There's also the matter of Hector being promoted to general. That's quite an investment of responsibility and trust that Dracula made. Hector must have done something to impress Dracula, something major. And I do not think Dracula impresses easily. One year does not seem like long enough for Hector to earn that kind of trust

Any way you slice it, the cartoon's timeline is simply too compressed to accomodate other events in game canon.


	11. Odds and Ends

**Pyromancy: New and Improved Formula!**  
During the assault on Targoviste, Dracula destroys the Cathedral with a fire spell. One spell. That single spell causes a tornado of flame to leap at least 100 feet in the air and engulf the entire Cathedral in seconds. 

I worry about the power balance this sets up between our heroes and Dracula. As in any story, it's important that the villain be formidable to heighten the suspense of the final battle. At the same time, the heroes have to be powerful too, so that it's believable when they finally win. Just how are Trevor and company supposed to counter a fire spell like that? Sure, the Vampire Killer can deal with Hellfire, but it's useless against Dark Inferno. It ain't gonna do jack against a 100 feet tall flaming tornado. Grant and Alucard's skills are no help, which leaves only Sypha. Frankly, I don't believe her ice magic is up to the challenge.

I suspect that in the end, none of this will matter anyway. I'm calling it right now, when the final battle comes, Dracula won't even use the fire tornado. By then, the creators of this cartoon will have forgotten that they ever gave Dracula such a power in the first place.

 **The Magical Teleporting Castle**  
The cartoon gives the Castle itself the ability to teleport. I'm in a love-hate relationship with this idea. One the one hand, assuming the Castle can teleport is one way to explain why Circle of the Moon is set in Austria instead of Romania. My personal headcanon has always been that the castle in that game isn't Castlevania at all, that it's Carmilla's personal castle. But a teleporting Castlevania works too.

Enter the Fridge Logic.

If Castlevania can teleport, you have to wonder, how does anybody ever manage to defeat Dracula? Couldn't Dracula just station sentries around the perimeter of the Castle? Imagine the following scene taking place:

_Minion rushes into the Throne Room._

_"Lord Dracula! There's a Belmont at the gates."_

_"Ah, thank you for that report, my faithful servant." Dracula snaps his figures, and the Castle disappears, only to reappear 100 miles away._

_The current Belmont stands staring at the empty acreage where Castlevania used to stand. "Damn. Now what do I do?"_

Dracula could keep moving the Castle around every time the Belmont finds it until the Belmont dies of old age. The fact that Dracula doesn't do this in any of the games makes him look like an idiot. That's hardly in keeping with his past as the most brilliant tactician of the Crusades, now is it?

Please note, I'm not saying that a teleporting Castle is a bad idea. I sort of like it. It just doesn't fit in with game canon, and serves as yet another reason why I think this cartoon should be regarded as an authorized fanwork.

 **The Discount Army of the Night**  
At one point during the battle in Gressit, Sypha uses her magic to splash holy water on the demons. The survivors promptly execute a suicide charge right into some waiting pikemen. Apparently Sypha's magic is so powerful that it can cause demons to forget they _have wings and can fly_ over the waiting pikemen.

Also as part of the defense of Gressit, Trevor instructs the residents to immerse their weapons in salt. This makes the weapons effective against the demons. First of all, isn't this exactly the kind of superstition that Lisa and Dracula sneered at during the meet cute scene? Apparently we're supposed to understand that while garlic doesn't work on creatures of the night, salt totally does. Yeah, that makes sense. I also wonder how the demons are able to fight with humans at all if salt kills them. Humans have salt in our skin. A sweating human is essentially drenched in salt water. Also, how are the demons supposed to attack anyone living in coastal areas? Wouldn't the salty sea breezes kill them on contact?

Let's all take a moment to feel sorry for poor ol' Drac. He devoted an entire year to summoning up his army, and all he ended up with are demons who forget how many limbs they have and who will die like slugs if they encounter salt.


	12. Final Words

Well, here we come to the end of this little project. Finally.

I wrote this thing over the course the the past two or three weeks, and I'd planned on posting a chapter every day. Now, I've decided to just put in up all at once. I just want this over with.

I would like to thank everyone who stuck around and read the whole thing. Once more I repeat my request that the writers here tag accordingly if the cartoon is canon to their fics. You have no idea how happy you'll make me if you do this.

This is easily the longest thing I have ever written for AO3, and dear Gods, I wrote it about something I absolutely hate. *sigh* At least it was cathartic. Hopefully now, I'll be able to get back to what I really want to be doing: writing fanfic inspired by game canon.


End file.
